This is a continuation from my first blog post, Between obsession and passion, which looked at a research question that asked: “How can the creation of self-portraiture lead towards a sense of self-identity in the artist?”
Within this I explored the details and nuances I was facing creating the portraits and my primary concerns as a practising visual artist. As promised, I will include the full set of self-portraits, alongside some commentary and interesting themes. I hope all of you enjoy this huge blog post! : )
I think most of us can agree that there comes a time in our lives–maybe more than once, or even very often–when we become confused and uncertain about ourselves. Perhaps we look for answers and seek consolation; perhaps we go into confinement and reflect upon our decision and direction. Perhaps, above all, we seek meaning and something to grasp onto.
“. . .the unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates, from The Apology.
Meaning is always the issue at hand, I find. It seems only natural to want to know more and have this ‘exactness’, this epiphany of “yes, I finally made it to a good place”. The sense of wholeness is desirable, of course, and if something is missing we seek to fill it in. But it becomes not just about filling the void, but being able to look at what is worth our time as that will become our experience. So, we must personally choose a direction and facilitate what will become most important to ourselves. In this case, I already have my art, but as meaning, portraiture, self and practice were all key to the question, they became my direct tools for the examination, as well as being directly examined during the process.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. – Viktor Frankl
My previous blog post, The all consuming looked at how globalisation and over-consumption in our time has greatly impacted our sense of personal meaning. Material pleasures and false desires associated with objects are misleading and only confusing. There is no substance, no essence to the synthetic plethora of “goods”. And I think we can see the results only extenuating the feelings of meaninglessness and absurdness, or nothingness. Without all of those pleasures, what would people do? Would their identities change, their whole world-views if they managed to find something inside themselves to study, to breathe their deepest inspirations into? Our possibilities from being to becoming are enormous, and so to is the amount of growth we can endure when we find the right purpose.
There is nothing with which every man [and woman!] is so afraid as getting to know how enormously much he [or she!] is capable of doing and becoming. – Soren Kierkegaard.
My own study affirmed that, because of constant change, we can only ever capture a glimpse of what in the past, our identity is essentially anachronistic. Truth changes, and so do what we believe it to be and mean. In self-portraiture, there are numerous disguises and decisions that attribute to this lie. For example, a change of direction, a blurry mirror, or even the freedom to draw yourself as something or someone else. We become a manifestation of so many things that it’s hard to define an exact cause.
[W]e already know that the self we are at present will be murdered by the encounter we seek – Loewen [More info here]
It doesn’t matter if you don’t do art, or make things, it’s about finding something that can deepen your our experience on a level that is uniquely yours alone, and not part of things which try to persuade to you they’re important. I could write so much more on this, but I want you to keep an open mind and simply consider what’s worth fighting for and exploring with the utmost passion and dedication in your own life .
ARTWORK RESULTS*
The following drawings were all completed in ink, primarily with a focus on the question at hand. Each is a pondering an new exploration of the question, and an extension from the previous one before it. They ranged from quick studies (2 mins) to over 2 hours of recording. A total of about 40 were completed, but this is just the photos of the majority I had. Enjoy!
*not chronologically in order as drawn.
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I actually have more portraits from the study, but cannot seem to find them. However, what is here is a great look into my project and the question at hand. As always, any comments, feedback or questions regarding the post are always warmly welcomed.
Thanks everyone! And sorry for the huge delay in-between this post and my first.
Peace,
Tom. 🙂
His Empty Space 